the tough love.

I get tough love-d a lot. 

By my dad (mostly), my sisters (i'm the youngest), my PT (who I spend more time with than anyone else in my life). The list goes on. 

Apparently, recovery has a high frequency of moments that some think require tough love. Today's topic: disparity. A great difference. Life application: certain muscles super strong, certain muscles super weak. 

In other words: Karin, I don't care how many pull-ups you can do, your glutes literally don't know how to fire. 

Then you get in your car, and want to cry, and just play Lil Wayne really loud. So loud that you can't think. But, then you realize you kind of have disparities scattered all about your life. 

Seriously split a piece of paper in 1/2. Make a list. It's freaking alarming. 

But, guys. I don't think the list (left to right) is the point. I think the point is not focusing on the ends. Rather, focusing on foster a collective better. Like, you're always going to have your killer strengths (oh, you can do handstand push-ups, umm awesome!) and you may never quite get how to fold fitted sheets (seriously, how do you do it?). But, where's your focus? 

Don't get trapped in only doing what you're good at (hi, GUILTY).  And, don't get trapped in getting overwhelmed by what you suck at. Focus on lessening the disparity. Make your worse better. And your better, will keep getting better. 

the hype

[ lookbook gets it. ]

when the hype is reality, and that reality is so real. 

i think the worst thing we can do is stop believing. 

stay hydrated, move, chase something, sit still with someone, trust that gut, keep believing in that hype. 

no need for science

I have never been one to need a deep, scientific, explanation of how things in this universe work. In fact, if you know me, you are aware that I prefer the opposite of that. Take science out, tell me how it feels, no textbook bullshit. 

So it goes with breath. We do it, most often subconsciously, for the pure sake of survival. Right? 

I do not need the science definition of breath. Let's keep it simple to start. Because once we get going, things get beautiful and complex. 

Breath (n): the air that you take into your lungs and send out from your lungs when you breathe. 

Inhale (v): to breathe in

Exhale (v): to breathe out, to give forth 

Why do I prefer science to remain out? Because I want real life to be in (self-diagnosed experiential learner). 

Real life lesson in breath: Monday at 12PM. My last class at the hotbox before I start my Sabbatical. You guys, you think 12PM on a Monday is ordinary, think again. 

The breath that filled the studio was beyond words. It blew all the Bon Iver, Asgeir & Antony on my playlist out of the water. There came a point where I stopped, stood in the back of the room, and for the first time EVER (I am the girl in yoga class basically not breathing, and the girl in the pool gasping for air every fourth stroke) understood the concept of breathing. 

The air that is being taken into our lungs is filled with energy. 

The air that is being sent out from our lungs is filled with energy. 

That energy is neither good nor bad, neither rich nor depleted, neither strong nor weak. 

With your inhales you choose to breathe in, to open your lungs, to take in whatever the hell you want. 

With your exhales you choose to breathe out (to give forth? WHATT?!?! Merriam-Webster, AMAZING!)whatever the hell you want. 

Think about it. Get into it. Or don't. 

INHALE:

EXHALE: 

Guess what? Those breaths? They get us through to the other side. 

So, what's next?

So, what's next? How do we deal? 

Don't overthink it. 

1. Play Mini Golf in the thick, summer heat (and win) 

2. Escape the city, and drive North. 

 3. Never stop being a kid. Play, play and then play some more. 

4. Fall in love with local flowers. 

5. Go on and get your best friend hitched and send her off to California. 

6. Picnic, as often as possible. 

7. Stay dirty, stay wild, stay barefoot. 

rinse + repeat, no more.

sorry for the radio silence, i'm out learning lessons. 

and spending a lot of time in the sun. 

because these days, sun time = figuring-out-altered-life time

a few things //

it's been a while, team. what happened? i don't know. let's play catch up, ay? 

The Palm Springs Edition //

// public pool, don't mind if i do 

// en route to the coast

// gypsy reunion 

// sun me, beer me, ocean me 

// old chester coast to coast 

// san jacinto mountains

// two bunch palms= not real life 

// hammock heaven 

// karma made me do it 

// that lululemon is everywhere, #paintthetowninluon 

malleable (a)

In my family, the cousin army rules. And, the cousin army is fierce and full of cousin mind meld (and a lot of love). It's not just that they get you (but, we definitely have that on lock down), it's that part where they push you and tell you what you don't-want-to-hear-but-kind-of-want-to-hear-but-it's-a-total-pain-in-the-ass-gut-check. 

Today, the gut check came by way of a phone call that ends all phone calls from one of the masters. MALLEABLE. Buzzword? Word of the day? Random topic of conversation? #noneoftheabove

An adjective used to describe me. Well, shit. It stung. And, therefore stuck and lingered for a few hours. Like, whaaaaat do I do with that? So- i'm malleable. Ok. 

"It's not the lack of a good, it's the presence of bad...." - KH

Which way are you going to go with it, ay? Malleability doesn't have to suck, but how are you choosing to let that be part of you. I got called out on all accounts of Malleable, option A. 
I over-trust, i over-involve, i buy into all the surface-y karma talk, i think we are all one and we are all connected, i let what I do define me, I give tank-tops to random strangers at the studio who forgot clothes for class, I meet people and instantly latch, I live in grocery stores and could talk to anyone about what is in their basket.... #malleablecity

"It's not the lack of a good, it's the presence of bad...."- KH

But, the cousin army is telling me I don't have to stick in the A. 

So, what is it? A? 
Having the capacity to let your environment, your situation influence you? Letting your injury define you? 

Or B? 

To have great capacity, to let change happen, to let (the fuck) go of your old life and start living with your next breath. 

aging

how to spend a birthday, 

1. wake up to kesha alarm labeled "24 year olds have killer hips"

2. pick up peace coffee and deliver breakfast to Lululemon Grand Ave. 

3. head back across the river for a meeting with the good folks that put on the TC Marathon

4. gift yourself a long swim

5. have the best work family in the world take you to a long lunch at Barbette complete with the best cards and mimosas

6. get our ass kicked on a TRX workout

7. watch olympics while at PT

8. but a t-shirt at whole foods that says "hug dealer" because yolo it's your birthday

9. have dinner at your stomping ground restaurant in college (where everyone knows your name, and what to bring to the table the second you walk in) with your best friends

10. fall asleep to a birthday video from Old Chester Road

how to think about what went down in  your last year,
1. hip surgery happened, that was big and continues to be big. 
2. i got to go back out to the jerz for a few weeks and hang with my crew when Caroline went out west for the first leg of Keepers Book tour. That felt pretty full circle- that cookbook and that gypsy fed me for most of my growing up post-grad life
3. summer consisted of restricted activity, that led me to get a paddleboard and exist in a constant commute with board strapped to car trekkin' from downtown to the lake every day after work. Open lake swims, followed by sunset paddles, followed by a few run-in's with e.coli. #worthit
4. my parents sold the east shore house. one of those 'let's-pretend-that's-not-real' moments of 23
5. i moved and am still trying to actually live there, and nest, and live less out of my car. but, that may take another year. 
6. that twenty third year of life brought upon great career change- one being an internship that was a reality check of learning how that professional world works, the other was where I am currently. And, where I am currently is exactly where I'm supposed to be. 
7. To elaborate, my job now saved my twenty third year of life. (picture above)

this is how it is now.

this is how i started the day.

spiritual gangster greatness, aside, these pants hit the old hips. what happens when you define movement in a different way, ay? when you can no longer love, live and get by with traditional movement (running, handstands, pulsing, floating, pushups, plank, more pushups, etc, nike training club ass kicking cardio intervals)- what do you do?

let love be your movement? sounds nice- very yogi and flower-y and idyllic.

but, does it work?

let the end of my day serve as an attempt to answer that question.

i went to meditation for the first time. seated for 90 minutes. no screens, no water or kombucha bottle nearby to drink as a distraction, no sochi (i walked back to my car post meditation catching up though, #BODEEEwhaaaat), NO movement.

was there love in anything running through my mind? nope.
hardest thing i have done in a while? yupp.
do i want to go back? not really, no.

so, here i am, dehydrated and hibernating, trying to craft a way that sochi watching + jose gonzalez listening constitutes as meditation.

but, of all the things that went down in those 90 minutes, one thing stuck. the guy who was leading meditation kept saying, yes, this is how it is now.

over and over. over and over. this is how it is now. shit, it is, isn't it?

these things take time. love as my movement, standby.

BUT. a big thing happened today. i got real serious, swim serious. finally purchased goggles and a swim cap. my burning, bloodshot eyes will forever thank me. AND i removed the hospital bands. (note: the two scraggly things in picture tangled among the green rubber band).
ceremonial? i'm counting it as that.

#noremoreburningchlorineeyes #nomorehospitalbands #nomorewesternmedicineenergy #butletsberealtheswimcapwontsavemyhair #dreadsremain

this man gets it

To begin, listen to this. As always, kill the lights, silence the phone, open a bottle of red. 

I've been overkilling this song since Brady first shared the jam with me. And after 2 months of repeat play, I still am getting hit with something every time. Jose, mad props. (Disclaimer: this song is proceeded by Miley Cyrus, We Can't Stop  on my phone. So, that's always a random and non-consequential transition)

I got to drive to Winona this weekend for a little cabin fever 5k with some pretty cool running folks. When you make the 2+hour trek to Winona on an over-tired (insert: i'm not in college anymore and can't pull off staying out until 4 and then being ready to go at 6:30 AM for a long drive. I was stocked with quite the liquid brigade to combat that situation)  you make the trip worthwhile. What does making a trip worthwhile on a bitterly cold MN day? Taking back roads and getting lost, obviously. 

No place to run and no gasoline. 

Ok, NOT exactly. But. Back roads of Winona, closing in on the town of Pickwick... and Google Maps just kind of fell off the grid. So, the hatchback was just roaming on snow covered back roads off in the middle of no where. Luckily, at this point, my liquids started to kick in and my 2 cups of cold press were bringing me back to life. And, Jose hit me yet again. 

I need to start making this "no place to run" stage in my life kick ass. Not really sure how. It might require frequent drives to the middle of nowhere for me to get it. Because, at the end of the day, who are you when you have no place to run? #idontknowtheanswer #thequestionalonefreaksmeout 

And, I mean, I could pull a million lyrics from this song and talk about how freaking spot on they are. But, that's me. Now, listen again and feel what it is for you. 

my waking hours // the tundra edition

Realized that I always talk about bringing breakfast to cool people and being a part of their cool mornings, but I never really talk about mine. 

Basically, they are the farthest thing from idyllic or interesting. I blame the dark + coldness that I stare at out my window when I peel my eyes open. 

Step 1 // 18 different alarms are going off. Consisting of Kesha, Beyonce & Aloe Blaac. Literally, 18 guys. My body does not do well with waking up to alarms. 

Step 2 // After the alarm brigade, I wander out to my living room and just sit on my couch. Just sit. Most often my eyes are still closed or I am looking out at my wall of frames that has yet to be hung, or random piles of clothes that are all over. 

Step 3 // I start soaking my muesli. If I'm lucky, I have mornings that start before the world wakes up and I start soaking cups upon cups of muesli for cool companies around the TC. Or, I try to find any jar in my kitchen that is clean and get 'dat muesli soaking. 

Step 4 // I turn on the music (never the news, always the music) and start catching up on emails from the night before. It is not until step 4 that I actually start getting productive. Step 4 also initiates the liquid brigade of the morning- cold press, water, a shot of apple cider vinegar, some fresh juice if i'm lucky and any other liqiuds I can find. 

three things

three things (of probably a million more) that a person can say to you that most often make you run like hell in the opposite direction. but some days, it works. maybe it's the music, or the bitter cold, or dreamy snow. i don't know guys. 

some days you need 3+ hours in a room away from your phone, your screen and that real world thing and things start to work. or you just aren't running like hell in opposition. 

most of my days //

// i end up running around (not literally, figuratively) our city bringing people free breakfast,

dropping off muesli to yoga studios, talking to people in grocery stores about what they eat for       breakfast. #doesntsuck

// most of the places involved are kick-ass companies, studios, people, artists, buildings, purveyors. here are a few from this week. daily reminders that amidst the frozen tundra, our 'hood kicks ass.

// fox glove market & studio

// the data bank

// froz broz

// the loppet foundation